I was born plain old skinny the apocalypse back in the day. Mama was a crackhead and i am a crack baby. I was born into a life of extreme poverty. Me and my 16 brothers had to sleep outside in the coal shed. I began dealing drugs when i was six month old, to support the family ‘cause mama was such a crack whore she couldn’t do it. You see papa had run off with a transvestite hooker some years earlier.
When i was six i was put in jail for 30 years. I spent 40 years on death row, tweaking. Until i was given the lethal injection. After 46 years in jail i was released back on to the mean streets that raised me. I was 8 years old.
It was around this time that i dropped out of school and began experimenting with p.c.p, crystal meth, ketamine and anthrax. It was a tough time. I felt lost. I roamed the streets dribbling and crying out, getting into fights and stealing money from retards, and old folk.
I was at the lowest point ready to end it , when i heard music from a nearby window. As it soared upward into the sky, for the first time in my life i knew freedom. At that moment i knew what i wanted to do with my life. As soon as i heard Celine Dion, i knew i wanted to be a gangster. I was 10 years old.
After a brief spell of 60 years in jail i came out and started planning my music career. I got me some crayons and started drawing. I was coming up with some ill shit, making beats with crayons and writing rhymes with dog shit and blood. I knew if i could just get as big as Celine i could save mama from being a crack head and be reunited with my 126 brothers, who were still in the coal shed.
But my plans some came to a halt after i was shot 83 times in the neck, ruining my neck tattoo. It was retribution for some shit that had gone down years earlier, when i was still a toddler. Man, you can leave the streets, but the streets will never leave you.
My recovery was slow, and the shooting had left me a paraplegic, but i continued with the pursuit of my dream. I began sweeping up and cleaning toilets in the local rap clubs and bars, anything to get my foot in the door of the scene. It was around this time i first meet Roxy-Coco. I was 4 years old. Roxy-Coco was a stripper, i’d seen her around, but when she approached me one night when i was floor sweeping i nearly shit my draws. “I hear you’re a real dope rapper” she said. I couldn’t believe my luck. So i took her to the toilet and she perfomred a sex act on a gerbil while i watched. From that moment on where were down to ride.
Coco-Roxy managed to introduce me to the managers of some hot shit local hip hop venue and I managed to get a couple shows opening for a local rapper Lil Shorty Fake Chains.. The first night I was nervous but I did some ketamine to give me some courage. I started to rhyme about my tough life, and being a gangster and a baller and mama being a crack bitch and the place erupted, I knew Celine was with me in my heart. I ripped it that night kicking all my verses about bein tough and stuff. Not long after that the record companies started sniffing around. I was 17 years old. Big Jimmy Fatcat from Greedy Records was the first to show interest but Tommy Fatfux from We Want Your Money Records was also hungry for my signature. They could sense my made up tales of balling and bein’ a gangster were the real thing and they knew they could sell my records to some dumb white kids. In the end I signed with Jimmy Fatcat cause he gave me more money, and more bitches and hoes.
By this time I had split from Foxy- Coco as she was spending too much time with the gerbil, I decided to cut lose . A quick 45 year jail term for drug offenses out the way and I was ready to drop my first record, the aptly titled “ I’m a made up gangster baller and stuff” right now I’m just pushing my music out to the world I hope you guys like it. It’s my dream to one day open a concert for Celine Doin, and of course get mama off the crack.